Dear Bush & Co.: I just paid almost thirty dollars to fill a Ford Focus with regular unleaded. Fuck You. Tim Dear Bloomberg & Co.: Ah yeah. Terrorism. Thanks for the "classified" threat and over-reaction that serves to remind us why we need Republicans in office. While I know the threat should be taken seriously, I can't help being suspicious of what political gain you think you (and your buddy Bush & Co.) are getting from all this. Nicely timed, guys. Oh, and fuck you. Tim

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Anna is Ikea's online help system.  She's a computer program, and about 1/3 creepy.  She doesn't know much, but she sure knows how to stay on topic!  I thought it would be fun to chat with her and share that chat here.  I obviously have too much time.  Anna likes to play dumb, and is obsessed with Ikea... she kept trying to steer the conversation back to the Swedish furniture company:

Welcome to IKEA. I'm Anna, IKEA USA's Online Assistant. You can ask me about IKEA and our products and our services. How can I help you today?

Hello Anna. I need help with some coffee table assembly.

Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?

Answer my question, please.

Sorry but I only answer questions which are about IKEA. We can only have a conversation about IKEA products and services.

Why aren't there more stores in Texas?

We build our stores out of town to maintain low product prices. Lower land prices and overheads enable us to pass the savings on to you, the customer.

Your headset is very sassy.

It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.

Are your boobs real?

I'm afraid I'm not willing to discuss this subject in any way. (Anna grimaced as she said it, then went back to her minx-like smile)

My dog threw up on one of your cheap rugs, how do I clean it?

Here you will find the Pets Sleep and Care Accessories Category (Anna took me this page)

Why aren't you blonde?

I don't have any kind of opinion with regard to hair color.

You're very pretty.

You are perfectly entitled to hold any opinion you want about me. Furthermore, your comments improve my knowledge base. Thank you!

How old are you?

I prefer not to discuss my age; let's talk about IKEA.

How old is Ikea, then?

For a detailed history of IKEA as a company, please take a look at this web page, which gives you information about IKEA and a timeline. (Anna took me here.)

What are you wearing?

I have an outfit that my creators made for me, but because I'm an IKEA Online Assistant, I don't wear real clothes.

Who created you?

I was built by Artificial Solutions (http://www.artificial-solutions.com) with the collaboration of IKEA USA (http://www.ikea-usa.com) and HUGE (http://www.hugeinc.com/2001/huge_1000.html).

I want to have sex.

If you want affordable solutions for better living, you are at the right place.

I think naive girls are sexy.

Maybe it would be better to get back to talking about Ikea.

I love it when you smirk at me.

How nice. I must have been a great help to make you feel like that. Now, ask me a question about IKEA.

Your smile is so sweet.

Please take a look at Swedish Sweets.

Take off your shirt.

Because IKEA prices are already so low, additional discounts are not offered.

I like your smile.

Thank you for your feedback, but I don't think I am that much expressive. Can I be of any further assistance?

Perhaps.

If you're not sure, then I don't think I can help you properly. Ask me a direct question about IKEA and I'm sure I can help.

You're sorta creepy.

I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.

Do any celebrities have furniture from Ikea?

Sorry, but that's an object that I don't really know enough about to be able to comment on. Let's talk about something else...

Okay, tell me about your childhood.

I'm sorry. I'd rather not.

Was it difficult?

That's a subject I'd rather not discuss. Please let's talk about Ikea.

I'm sorry.

Of course, thank you.

Well, this has been fun.

All of Ikea's products are made to the highest standards.

Okay, bye.

Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!

Fiesta Time!
What a great time I'm having!

Fiesta got off to a great start with the Webb Party!  I had decided not to go this year because it's a fairly expensive event (fifty bucks a ticket) but the money goes to a good cause (AIDS) and I wanted to see Lady Bunny!  She did NOT disappoint, and I laughed the whole way through her number.  I also enjoyed seeing everyone who is anyone in Gay San Antonio (and those who THINK they are someone.)  It's so much fun acting like you like people all night.  The open bar helps, though!

Can you believe that after a long long night, I had to be up and walk in heels all day on Saturday?  I couldn't believe it on Saturday morning, either!

Fiesta Madness was a hoot as usual.  I did two numbers plus a group ballet and it was wonderful.  I had VERY big hair this year, and as usual, my boobs seemed to generate much interest and confusion: