It’s been said that a person doesn’t really miss technology until you don’t have it, and I guess that’s true. I become quite unsettled when my “always on” internet connection isn’t, and I’m sure the folks in California are mindful of the wonder that is electricity this summer. However, I have suffered a technology outage FAR WORSE than any of these minor annoyances: I ran out of anti-perspirant.

I didn’t mean to run out. I actually put a new container of Ban® Clear Soft Solid—a product so advanced, they had to invent a new way to package it—in my basket last time I was at H-E-B, but it somehow never got it home. I don’t know where it went, but it wasn’t on my receipt, so I guess I dropped it or something. The point was, when I turned that wonderful dial on my old bottle yesterday, there was no product advanced, and I was SOL.

Why you ask? Because the Ban Clear Soft Solid is just that—clear, soft and solid. When you put it on it dissolves immediately into nothingness, and you are left with the faintest trace of a scent, and… nothing else. For the next eighteen hours or so, I’m free of sweat under my arms, and free of stench related to said sweat. There’s no other grooming product that works so well, except maybe the Gillette Mach 3, but that’s another discussion.

So, I was out of my usual. I went digging. I thought maybe SOMEBODY would have left some sort of product around my house, and indeed, I found a never-used stick of Speed Stick Original Scent Deodorant. This discovery gave me pause, because I have NO idea how this sort of item would have found its way into my house, but there it was, I figured it must have been bought by mistake at some point.

I’ll say it was a mistake. Why do they still even make this product? The moment I put it on, I knew I was in for a day of suffering. The stuff smelled like a combination of aloe vera and PineSol. It smelled STRONGLY of this, but that wasn’t the issue: I felt as if I had smeared wet lollipops and syrup under my arms, they were so sticky.

During my entire eight hour workday, I didn’t sweat, but that’s because I control the air conditioner. I felt on the VERGE of sweating, and IF I had done so, I would be in really bad shape, because this smell was going to increase, and I’d be sweaty, sticky, and VERY Original Scented. People who know me will NOT be surprised to know that I went IMMEDIATELY after work and bought two containers of my regular Ban® Clear Soft Solid (Shower Fresh Scent). No, I don’t suffer well. I guess I’ll go take a shower, and then marvel in the wonder that is… personal grooming technology!