Ahem!

Wha?! Huh?!  OH... Scaley!  I wasn't expecting you to speak to me.  It's been awhile.

No kidding.  You've been avoiding me, haven't you?

Just a little.  I was really good for awhile.  I weighed myself everyday as I was getting into the shower...

Yeah, I know.  I kinda wish my electronic eye didn't face up, actually.  That's a really weird angle to view you at...

ENOUGH of that.  Why do I have the honor today?

Well, I talked to the car, and he told me you went to Jack in the Box last weekend.

What's your point?

That shit is NASTY for you.  No WONDER I'm still sitting on my end since Friday when the cleaning lady put me here.

I KNOW.  I hate how she moves you and all my stuff around.  I mean, she's like the most passive-agressive...

We're sort of drifting off the subject there, aren't we?  What's up with this whole TrimTim situation?  Is it happening?

It WAS.  I mean, you know better than I do. Hell, you told ME!  But yeah, I've lost 35 pounds, but that was just the beginning, huh?

I was really proud of you, and I can't lie: it's much better weighing you when you weigh less...

So are you ashamed of me, Scaley?

Hey, I wouldn't bother you if I didn't care.  Just, like, um... weigh yourself in briefs or something, okay?

You really are my favorite appliance, at least in the bathroom.

Liar.  The shower massage tells stories.

Don't make me take your batteries out!

OMG - this post is hilarious! =)

see, i have conversations with my scaley as well. she is neglected, but she keeps eyeing me in a very sinister way...