BOO!
It's HALLOWEEN!
Strange things happen on Halloween... for instance you might get a weird sense of deja vu while reading my site.  It might be the work of witches, but most likely, it's the fact that I've posted this before.  On the same spooky day, one year ago.  Enjoy it, boys and ghouls (I'm sorry for that last pun.)

_________________________________________________________

There is a pair of panties in the street in front of my house.

Just so you know, I live a in a great neighborhood.  It is a mixture of empty nesters and young families, all homeowners.  My whole subdivision is like that.  To my knowledge, there is nothing exciting that happens here.  It's a boring old suburb.  But this morning, I woke up, looked outside, and there is a pair of panties on the street in front of my house.

I'm curious, of course as to the situation that led up to the fact that there is a pair of panties on the street in front of my house, so I'm going to investigate.  By "investigate," I mean "make up a story and post it here on my website."  I'm damn sure not gonna TOUCH them or anything.  Eww. Eww. EWWWW!

So, I'm not sure how they got there.  I'll try not to lose too much sleep over it, but now I'm faced with a dilemma: who is in charge of removal?  Is there a number at city hall that I may dial and tell them there is a pair of panties on the street in front of my house?  I've looked in the blue pages... no such luck... apparently, I can have roadkill removed, but panties... those are MY problem, buddy!  Why do I even pay taxes, I ask you?  I really don't want to move them, but I don't want them to stay there, either, so outside I go, with a Ziploc baggie.

I'm not sure WHY I picked up a baggie, but I've found in this life, if it's a confusing situation, it always helps to have a Ziploc around.... so I have the Ziploc, and decide if I turn it inside-out and put my hand inside it, I can pick up the panties, and can seal them, and throw them away.  So I began walking toward the pair of panties in the street in front of my house.

WHOA.  As I got nearer, I discovered that whomever these panties belonged to had either a severe problem, or one HELL of a night.  I won't be very specific, but I WILL say that whoever left the pair of panties in the street in front of my house left a CONSIDERABLE amount of DNA on them.  I keep wondering if it's a Halloween prank or something, but as I told you, I think it was that hussy that lives next door with her nosy grandfather.

SO... to sum it up... I'm standing in the street holding a baggie, confused about what to do, feeling dirty, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but there's a pair of panties in the street in front of my house.

I finally got them up.  The operation required two plastic forks and a very large, stand up Ziploc baggie.  They were gross.  I hope whomever they belonged to got a good shower.  I think she (HE?!) needed it.  I’m keeping my eye on the hussy next door.  I hope I never have to do that again.  I still feel dirty.