So we may be getting into TMI territory here, but I had to abandon a pair of underwear over the weekend.

I won't talk of the unpleasantness that led up to this, because I would hate for my site to get Google hits for the words "anal leakage" or something vile like that, so I won't say that, and really... who cares.  You get the idea.  Suffice to say that Thai food was involved. 

First of all, thank goodness for those underwear, because they kept me from making a big mess of my sexy Dockers.  I mean.  Really, they served their purpose as the first line of defense against emergencies such as this.

However, in fulfilling their duty, they got filled with doody, so they had to go.

Y'all, it's WINTER here.  I know, I know... fifty degree highs are not really winter, but in Texas, we dress like it's colder.  It makes us feel justified in bitching about how cold it is, when really, most of the US would LOVE our balmy climate.

Anyhow, since it's winter and all, I'm wearing some pretty significant boots, and the bathroom I was in was not exactly "hospital clean".  I would put it in the realm of "Calcutta clean" or perhaps "disgusting" would best describe the custodial condition of this bathroom.

At any rate, I was going to be damned if I was going to touch a sock to that floor, I'm telling you right now.

So what do you do when you can't take your shoes and pants off, but the underwear has got to go?  You start ripping.

I would like to take a moment to go off on a tangent here (which is TOTALLY NOT LIKE ME) and tell you again how much I hate laundry.  I know.. I bitch about this a lot, but it relates to this story because I was NOT wearing my cute 2(x)ist underwear, because they were all dirty, so I was wearing plain old Jockeys, and am not mourning the loss of a $22 pair of basket-building goodness.  Yes folks... that expensive underwear is like a bra for your balls... pass it on, tell everyone...

I find if you rip around the waistband, and then down each side, you can effectively remove them without touching the offending area, and without stripping.  The elastic waistband that is left?  Leave it if you want a souvenir of your experience, I guess, but it goes over your head nicely, and right into the trash.

I chose to remove mine, because I had vivid dreams of being rushed to the emergency room and not only not having ANY underwear on, but having a tattered elastic Jockey waistband with the shredded remnants of abandoned undergear.  That would suck.  Honestly, the one-and-only time I've ever been rushed to an emergency room in an ambulance, I had ditched the underwear earlier in the day, and was freeballing it.  Most embarrassing, but I figure the ER people have seen it all, so whatever.

So what did we learn?  Well, besides the fact that I should change my Internet nickname to TMIbrat, we learned that I should not eat Thai food and begin a new medication on the same day.  We also learned that I am quite handy at ditching undergarments, and that some men's underwear is like a bra for men.

And some people say this a vanity site, when it's clearly educational.

AUTHOR: A respected author
EMAIL: root@msn.com
IP: 66.25.135.219
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DATE: 12/12/2002 08:22:16 AM

Everyone poops

WOW! to you for actually posting that story on-line!
And if you go to TJ Max, usually they have 2xist undies for about $10.

Hey Tim, Its Mark from Dallas. You know, the bald, slender guy with the goatee. Just making sure, since a lot of us are named Mark. :) As far as TMI? Hell yeah, gurl! I'm just not picturing you having anal leakage. Ewwwwww! LOL

should say, "I'm just NOW......"

Steven: I've been buying them there and at Ross, but not always... Sak's seems to be the most reliable source for good undies.

Mark: Thanks for stopping by!

WOW. I just went to the 2(x)ist link you provided, and WOW. Thank you!

Glad it worked out OK. That would be a horrible situation. You handled it admirably.

I was just doing a couple of google searches on "anal leakage" and "ditched underwear" (two of my small-talk topics) and your site showed up on both! Who ARE you, man?????

i've pooped in my pants a couple of times as an adult. actually, one time i pooped in someone elses pants. and i wasn't wearing any underwear, either. it was bad.