I think I lost my Christmas Cheer.

I mean, I spent most of my twenties depressed, and I really hadn't used it since before I was depressed, but I thought when I felt better, I'd have it back. So... I've felt better for about two years now, and the magical feeling of Christmasness is not coming back, and I think it's because I'm not ten years old anymore, I don't believe in Santa Claus, and for God's sake, I even forgot how to play "Silent Night" on the piano.

When I was young, my parent's Sunday School class used to have a tradition where we would go on a hayride through my subdivision, sing carols at random stranger's houses, and then go to a bonfire where we cooked s'mores and basked in the glow of our Methodist fellowship.

Yeah, my childhood was a bit idyllic and suburban... what's your point?

So now, I'm all grown up, and despite my relative good fortune, I just don't get as excited as I used to about this time of year.

And that really sucks. I remember when I was a kid, I used count the days until Thanksgiving, so that we could come home from my grandparent's farm and put the lights up. And two weeks off? I could get behind that right about now.

It's not like I don't look forward to this time of year. I love it. I enjoy the parties and whatnot, but I don't have the sense of wonderment and ebullient cheer that I used to when I was young. I guess the reality of the holidays, such as the rush to get shopping done and relatives visited, overshadow the joyousness.

I guess this is just more of that growing up stuff that sort of bites, and I've said over and over that I'm glad to get older and to pile up life experience. I guess the life experience makes me harder to impress.

Or maybe I just need a hayride, some s'mores, and some good old Methodist cheer.