My beloved great grandmother appears to be in her final days, and it's ripping my heart out.

On Saturday, I took several hours away from my friends to go see her. It was really nice, because there wasn't anyone there. It was just the two of us, and she was pretty darn lucid, and we had a wonderful conversation.

We talked about when I was a little kid. We talked about when SHE was a little kid. We talked about how she taught me to dance the Charleston and the jitterbug. We talked about when I was a little boy and used to stay at her house. How I used to lay in bed with her and have her read to me. We talked about her hotcakes. I told her I'd never had hotcakes that good before or since. She told me they weren't that good, and my memory was failing me.

I told her she was always so beautiful. Her response was, "I guess so... in the eyes of Tim." She IS beautiful. I know women thirty years younger than she is who would KILL to have skin as soft as hers. Estee Lauder and Oil of Olay work, people, and she's proof.

As other family members arrived, I ran out of time, and I had to go. As I walked down the hall, I heard her voice, clearer and louder than it has been in months, say "Goodbye, Tim!".

I cried for almost an hour on the way back to my friends.

My parents and other family members are with her now. I will join them shortly, and very very soon, we will say goodbye to her one last time.

I'm trying very hard to keep a normal schedule. It's hard to escape the grief when you work at a hospice, but I'm managing to stay buried in my work. I was okay all week, until I tried to call my mother, and my dad told me that she was at the funeral home, making arrangements.

I got off the phone, and I put my windows down so the wind would block out my sobbing. We're going to lose her, and my world will not be the same without her.

There's more, but I can't write anymore right now. I'm at a loss for words. Damn... death IS powerful.

I am so sorry for your loss...

Tim darlin', You know the losses of family & friends I've suffered, so I hope this doesn't sound trite, but death is very bit as much a part of life as birth is.

No doubt about it, it HURTS like hell itself to lose a loved one but that is *our* pain. The only thing I have ever found any sort of comfort in is the faith that we will be reunited with those we love later on. Try to think of your GG's passing not as a "Goodbye," but as a "See ya later!" --because you WILL see her later, and oh, what a joyous reunion it will be!

BIG (( HUG )) -Kurt

I am so so sorry for your loss *hugs*

Squig

I'm so sorry, sweetie. That's such a hard thing. I had an incredible relationship with my great grandmother too, and yours sounds like such an awesome woman. Hugs and you're in my thoughts.

The harder you love someone, the more difficult it is to deal with their passing. I know because my Granny died in 1997. :-( There are so many things I wish I asked her. For one thing, no one living can tell me anything about her childhood. You are blessed to have such a sweet relationship with her--and she will be checking in on you even after she's died. Be strong.

I know we've never met, but I cannot help but feel your pain. I think every one of us has had to deal with the death of a loved one at one point or another. Nothing reminds us of our mortality more than situations like this.
You've been blessed Tim, in that you had such a loving relationship with your great grandmother. If you can, try focusing on the good things about her. You will know that she is near, in ways you never thought of - just to let you know that she's watching over you. And lastly, don't dwell on the loss. Rather, rejoice in the fact that she is now free of the pain of physical life. Nothing can ever take away the love you 2 shared.

God bless!

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You're lucky that you were able to have such a strong connection with your great-grandmother, and she was lucky too.

Poor thing...big Aloha to you and your family. I'll play Aloha Oe on the uke tonight in honor of you and your ohana.

i am so sorry for your loss, im sure my words wont help very much considering we have never met and i just comment every now and then, but i feel your pain. your entry made me cry. it's so awesome you had such a wonderful relationship with your grandmother and i know how terrible it must be for you to try and let her go, but remember, she'll be going to a better place where she wont feel pain anymore and no, it wont be goodbye forever. but when she does go, try to think of how much better she must feel. well, i gotta go now, be strong.

-Lea