HEY!  It's a weekend entry!

I had a wonderful time last night.  I met an old friend out last night, and we caught up with each other, and reminesced about the old times... you know... the early 90s.

Steven and I met literally DAYS after I broke up with my ex.  I actually had to request a job transfer to another city to get away from Bob, and Steven was working at the store where I was assigned.  We pretty quickly became friends, and were soon attached at the hip.  We had a lot in common... family background (it was so weird... his mother had furniture exactly like my mothers) for instance.

So last night.  We met at some of our old haunts and caught up.  We talked about his mother, whom I dearly love, and her failing health.  We talked about his boyfriend, who loves him so very much, and we talked about nothing, and everything.

Steven is, and was, dashingly handsome.  His boyfriend has quite a career selling clothes to the very rich and very famous, so he dresses very expensively.  When I asked him who made his leather coat, he was all "It's Dolce & Gabanna, but it's at least three seasons old."  I'm glad his 1200 dollar coat was so old, becuase I was beginning to feel shabby in my brand new Gap sweater.

I only mention his looks because the two times we were apart (bathroom, etc) he had people come over and hit on him.  That never happens to me.  Okay, but not as much).

But Steven doesn't judge.  In fact, one of the things I like about him is that he's seen me pretty much at my best and my worst (remember folks: my mental health has been an issue for over ten years) but he still cares how I'm doing, and has always been a good friend to me.  I'm lucky to know him, and anyone else would be, too.

So thanks, Steven, for visiting with me.  I promise it won't be almost three years again, okay?

While she waits
While she waits
fooorrr MEEEEE!

My GOD that was a lot of food.

And I didn't even eat as much as I always have... we usually have much more.

I've been told that there are families out there that actually make an appropriate amount of food for special occasions. My brother-in-law, when he married into this crazy family, was amazed at the amount of food that we can come up with, sometimes on just a moments notice. It's the Power of the Potluck. We're Methodists. Don't mess with the Potluck.

My family has ALWAYS had big meals... it's what we do. We usually have enough food to feed three times as many people at any particular gathering. I'm not exaggerating, I'm actually being conservative.

So... what was on our menu? I mentioned no dry turkey, right? Well, we had dry chicken instead. And ham. And broccoli cheeze cassarole. And green bean cassarole. And mashed potatoes. And stuffing. And two kinds of cranberry salad. Not to mention desert.

Did I mention that this year, we only had seven adults and a toddler to feed? There is enough food left over to feed us through the holidays and beyond.

I think I must be distantly related to those British nobility of the 1700s who had huge, massive food orgies constantlly, with jesters playing for their amusement and the poser to chop their wive's heads off if they had the audacity to not bear them an heir.

We certainly had the food for it yesterday. All we were missing was the mead.

Have a great weekend, and I'll see you later, friends.

I

So it seems that all the cool kids are writing in their journal, listing the things they are thankful for.  I thought this sounded like a good idea for several reasons.  First of all, it's a ready-made idea, but that's not the main reason I chose to do this today. 

No, the main reason I want to do The Thanksgiving Entry That Every One Else Is Doing is because I am SO thankful for so many things.  My life hasn't always been easy, and I don't often talk about the upsets in my life here (though I sometimes hint at them) but my life has not always been roses... I've been through some real shit, most of which was my own doing (or the strange wiring of my brain) and now that I'm on the other side of it, I am thankful and grateful for so much.

Okay.  In no particular order, I'm thankful for:

• My mental health
• My awesome therapist who taught me how to be mentally healthy.
• My family, who never gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself.
• My job, which is so wonderful, I sometimes cry at the joy of it.
• My car, because really, in Texas, life is hard without one.
• Air conditioning, because really, in Tesas, life can't be lived without it.
• Y'all, in real life, I have some of the most AWESOME friends.  Some of them know how they helped me get better, and some don't.  But I would really be nothing without the people in my life.  I literally get a little peice of myself from each and every one of them.
• My family.  I know I said that already, but these people rock (most of the time!)
• The Internet.  It hasn't been in our lives long, but can you imagine life without it?
• My intellegence.  It's quite high, but not so high I don't make sense.
• My unique ability to fit into any situation, form a formal ball to a campout.
• Bradband internet.  I'm spoiled, but really, once you've had it, you can never, ever go back.
• Digital cable.  And Tivo.
• The people who actually take time each day to click on a link or type in my URL to read this dreak everyday.
• The fact that I have loved before, and the hope that I will love again.
• There's SO much more, but it's a holiday, so I'm going to go enjoy it.  Thanks for reading everyday...

So. It's time to begin this Christmas shopping stuff, huh? Shit. Didn't we just do this last year?

It wouldn't be so bad, but I hate, hate, HATE crowds. I used to work retail, and I remember feeling totally helpless, like I could never, ever make all of those people happy. (I guess that's how Christina Aguliera feels when a Naval ship docks, eh?)

Last weekend, I went to the mall, and they were crazy-busy. I really did have a couple of full-scale freak-outs. I don't like crowds, and it makes me crazy. I find myself surrounded by tons of stupid, slow-moving people, I freak out and pretty much have to find my way out. Loud noises seem to make it worse, such as Christmas carols and those freaky people ringing the bell for the Salvation Army in order to get their community service hours out of the way so they can get off probation.

So I'm not really in the spirit, yet. I suspect that I will be soon, but right now, I'm simply waiting for it to happen.

I'm sure as the weather cools a bit, and people start putting their Christmas lights up, I'll be all set to have a Holly Jolly Christmas and Deck the Halls, but I'm still waiting.

We'll see.

Well, I briefly mentioned it yesterday, but geez... it's almost Thanksgiving! I seem to have lots of readers from Outside the US, so I'll give a little short history lesson, exactly how I remember learning it in school:

Apparently, the Indians went crazy with the syphilis that the Pilgrims had brought over, and decided they'd pay them back by forcing them to travel across the land to visit their families and eat dry turkey. Just for fun, they all watched football on their Pilgrim TVs. And I think that they had a Pilgrim Parade with balloons shaped like cartoon pilgrims and shit. It was really a nice time for all, or at least the Pilgrims seemed to like the four-day weekend away from... um... pilgrimming, so we have done it every year since.

Except for the syphilis part. And the Indians. We now call them Native Americans, and about a hundred years ago, we forced them to live on some of the worst, most infertile land imaginable. They have rebelled by building casinos and forcing gambling on heavy-smoking white trash every since. God Bless America.

For me personally, I'll be doing something a little different this year. Every year, we've traveled to the farm my father grew up on to have some of the best dry turkey you've ever had, but with the aging of my grandparents and the fact that my cousin decided that she would get the maximum attention if she timed her baby's birth over the Thanksgiving holiday, we're going to have a non-turkey Thanksgiving at my sister's house in Dallas (that might be the longest sentence I've ever written). My grandparents are going to travel to Dallas, too, so we'll have a good time. We've decided to eat chicken, because everyone has finally admitted they hate turkey. This is what therapy does for families: it opens up the line of communication, and we no longer have to endure dry-ass turkey on Thanksgiving. That's worth the ten grand I spent on my shrink right there.

Well, that's all I have for you now. I'm thinking on Thursday, I might post pictures of our spread. No... not THAT kind of spread... our FOOD. Sheesh. Dirty minds around here...

Second.

I came in second in the Mr. H.O.T. Bear contest.

And frankly, I'm pretty glad of it. The winner had to go do the whole thing again in Dallas in the Spring, and I don't. I also got a basket o' bear swag, and a one hour massage. All in all, a great time.

And I'm glad of it.

Here in the US, we have a short week ahead of us. Our Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I gotta tell you... I can sure handle a short week! This weekend is going to be fun. I'm going to Dallas after work on Wednesday, and think I might even spend part of the weekend with friends. That will relax and soothe me. Not that I'm tense and irratable, but you know... I love my leisure time!

As my Daddy would say, "We sure have a wooly bugger coming to visit us!" That's Texas-Speak for "There's a cold front coming. It will be cold"

This time of year, we never know when we make plans what the weather will be this time of year. Today, the high was like 78. It was a beautiful day. Birds singing, the whole thing.

By the end of the day tomorrow, it will butt-ass cold. It will help to get me in the mood for the holidays, but you know... it'll be cold, and that sucks. Even if I DO get to wear my wonderous winter clothes.

I have more to say, but I seem to be ambling on. Take care, all!

And so we've come to the end of another week, and I'm looking foward to enjoying my weekend.  I have no plans for Friday, but I'm sure I can come up with something!

On Saturday night, I have agreed to do something that frankly shocks me.  I can't believe i got talked into this, but I'm going to be a contestant in the Mr. HOTBear contest.

I don't know if I'm going to win, but I have to tell you that there are lots of guys who think I am the hot.  So, to reward these men for their good taste, I'm going to parade around the bar in skimpy clothes and try to win.  Why not?  It's not like I have tons of dignity anymore...

So I'll let everyone know on Monday how that came out.  If nothing else, it's a great story to tell.  You know how I like to do new things...

So I'm driving home from Austin last night, and I PASSED THE TRADING SPACES TRAILER.

I freaking LOVE Trading Spaces, so I did what any mature person would do: I slowed down, let them pass me again, and honked like mad and waved.

A bemused man who looked like Ty Pennington waved back.  I'm not sure if it WAS Ty, but I hope so.

That's all for this week.  See everyone Monday (and perhaps on Sunday if I feel like it!)

So I went to a meetup.com event at a coffeehouse in Austin that is mighty close to the UT campus.  It was a cool place, but it was full of Austin hippies.  Austin hippies are a unique breed, and they are part of what makes Austin, Austin.  But sometimes, they are a bit TOO organic for me.

So I go into this coffeehouse and it smells like dirty hair.  Like, seriously, there was some FUNK going on in that place.  Perhaps it was the couches which I bravely sat upon.  Maybe it was just... the age of the building.  Maybe somebody needed a change of underwear.  Whatever the deal, it was fun-key.

It wasn't all bad, though.  The coffee was good, and the people I met were all pretty cool, too.  I now have three new weblog/journal things to read daily.  I don't know when I'll have time to do that, but whatever...  Once the converstation got going (and people asked me to talk about my favorite subject... ME!) we had a good visit.  I'll go back next time, that's for sure.

So we're in this funkified place, and I realize that I needed to pee.  I noticed the bathrooms were toward the back, so I excused myself, and opened the door that had "this is a bathroom" painted on it.

Inside this chamber of horrors, there were two toilets with no partitions or anything.  The light was off, so the only illumination was from a window facing the parking lot.  I was fumbling for the switch when I heard a voice.

"Hey man... come on in.  I'm just finishing up.  That toilet over there is free."

As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I am able to discern that the voice is coming from a guy sitting on the toilet nearest the door.

Just in case you didn't hear that, THERE WAS A MAN SITTING ON THE TOILET IN THE DARK MAKING CONVERSATION WITH ME!

Shitting dude: "Coffee's kicked in, I guess."

Horrified me: "Um... yeah.  Okay.  I can come back if you need some privacy."

SD: "No, man... I'm cool.  Nature calls.  Can't hide from the cosmos, right?"

ME (to myself): Oh holy mother of god.  Please don't let him wipe when I'm in here.  (out loud) "Is the light switch broken?"

SD: "Nah, man.  I just kinda like the vibe in this room when it's dark.  It has a cool look, with the shadows and all."

ME (to myself) OH GODDAMN!  HE'S STANDING UP! (out loud) "Well, have a nice evening!"

SD: "I guess I will now that the pressure's off!"

So there was that.  I guess I'm repressed or something, but I prefer to shit behind a locked door (there was a working lock on that door, too) and I do not make conversation whilst pinching loafs.  But I'm weird that way.

The rest of my evening consisted of watching Cheers on a big screen TV in a bar, which is sort of like watching porn while having sex, but not as much fun.

Hope all is well in your world.

I have been accused, on more than one occasion, of being spoiled. I will no longer argue with you, I really am spoiled, and have been most all of my life.

It's not like I've lived the Life of Riley or anything... I have just had a person or persons in my life that see to it that I don't want for much.

It started with my parents. Materially, I could not have asked for more growing up. I always had all the clothes I wanted. I had killer cameras and other gadgets. I got my own car as soon as I was legal to drive...

It's not like I didn't work (if lifeguarding can be called 'work'), but I must have been unbearable back then. I had sense of ENTITLEMENT that did not win me friends (except for other indulged little brats. What a fun clique we were!).

My ex also spoiled me, although he resented me for it, too. Such was the nature of our relationship, and it's best that we are no longer together. But I never REALLY wanted for clothes or furniture or a nice apartment when we were together.

See an unhealthy pattern? Mom and Dad took care of me, and then my ex? Oh yeah. That's living in reality. Except, it's SO not.

I never learned how to take care of myself. I have spent most of my life feeling as if the world owes me something, and being pissed off because it didn't give it to me.

I think that one of the keys to my depression being well under control (besides the self-esteem, but that's another entry) is that I stopped expecting the world to be handed to me on a platter, and started aligning my actions towards putting the world on my OWN platter.

And now, I spoil myself. And it's sweeter than ANYTHING I've ever been given.

So I was chatting with Caleb last night, and I told him that from time to time, you have to write a bit about yourself... you know... re-introduce yourself to your readers, since readership changes over time.  So... here are a few things about ME that you may or may not know:

• My given name is Timothy Ross Bratcher.
• I have one sister, she's three and a half years younger than I am.  She has a husband and a beautiful son and she lives north of Dallas.
• We are pretty close, and she reads my site daily.  We talk on the phone a couple times a week, sometimes more.
• She's one of the most together people I know.
• I used to be the least together persons I knew, but I've done a LOT of work on myself, and I'm getting there.
• There have been times in my life that I've been so mentally ill I was barely able to function.
• My family has been, and is, a great source of strength and support to me.  I would not be here without them.
• I lived with one man (Bob) from the time I was 20 until I was 25.
• That relationship should have lasted five dates, and we manged to stretch it out to five YEARS of misery.
• My memories of that time are not all bad, but I don't recall ever being happy when we were together.
• I was too young to be in a relationship that serious, especially since I was not mentally well at the time.
• Neither was he.
• I wish him no ill will, and think about him from time to time.
• I don't miss him, though.
• I have no idea where he is now.  I last saw him over a year and a half ago, and I think he's moved.
• That sort of bothers me, but I think it's probably for the best.
• I've been single (for the most part) since I was 25.  I'm 32 now.
• I have great friends and I'm never lonely.
• Not much, anyway.
• I never leave the house without my cellphone, keys, wallet, contact lens case, lip balm and Listerine PocketPaks.
• I'm addicted to the Internet.
• I'm very brand loyal, but not label-conscious.
• Not VERY label-conscious.  Anymore.
• My first computer was an Apple //e.  It rocked, and all my friends were jealous.
• I currently use a Compaq computer that was purchased almost two years ago, but USUALLY meets my needs: it's a 1.1 ghz Athalon.  I have two hard drives and almost a gig of memory in the sucker.  It's an okay machine.
• I drive a 1997 Volvo 850 GLT.  It was a nice car, but it's getting expensive to keep on the road, and the seats didn't age gracefully, so I'm in the market for a new car.
• My car is amethyst, which is a fancy way to say "purple".
• My car is not butch.

That was fun (and easy).  Tune in tomorrow for more about me.

Wow... so it's Monday again?  Didn't we have one of these last week?

Actually, I had a COUPLE of Mondays last week.  No matter how cute the name, the BugBear worm is NOT cute.  I dealt with it a couple of days last week, and if the Gods smile down upon me, I won't have to deal with that again this week.

My weekend was... well, it was really relaxing.  My Friday night was fun and interesting (and I'll perhaps write more about that later this week) but the balance of my weekend was mundane, bordering on boring.  Thank goodness.  I'll be refreshed and recharged, and that's a good thing, because I have a big week ahead of me... lots I want to get accomplished...

Thanks for reading!

So I've taken a lot of guff from some people who think my Random Web Photo Critiques are mean.  I don't see it that way... I think I'm just being snarky, but whatever.  Several people have told me that I'm seriously screwing up my Karma, and one friend has vowed to take a picture of me and photoshop the hell out of it, and post it and make fun of ME!  In order to apease my critics, I'm turning the snark on myself, and posting and critiquing perhaps the worst photo ever taken of me:

Whew!  Where to start?

• Yes, Mom, I was DRUNK.
• Duh.
• Does this outfit make me look GAY?
• WHOOO!!! FIESTA!
• I look like I'm one step away from the loony bin, don't I?
• I probably didn't need the drink that was in my hand at that time, huh?
• My teeth aren't that yellow, I swear.
• Yes, that's a man wearing a tiara behind me.  I find that many of my friends wear tiaras when drunk.
• Remind me to ask my dentist about tooth whitening, okay?
• I don't think my beads are gaudy enough, do you?
• Really, dude, I don't need another drink, thanks.
• Seriously... has anyone tried those Whitestrip things?  I'm bothered by this...
• Yes, my t-shirt says "Nice Package".  No, I don't know why.

Well, enough of that... hope you've all enjoyed me making fun of myself!

Well, we've made it through half the week, it's all downhill now!

Actually, I hope things start looking UP in some respects.

I have had a HORRIBLE time with my allergies this week.  I swear, I've blown a gallon of snot out of my nose.  It's not infected looking, so I think that it's only allergies and nothing viral (for now) so keep your fingers (or whatever) crossed for me.

HEY! I gotta confess something to you. Move closer to the screen, so I don't have to shout, okay? Closer... Okay

I love it when people leave me comments! Please... feel free to do so.

Thanks.

I'm settling into my new hours and responsibilities at work quite well, thank you.  I've had several good meetings with my new boss, and it's going to work out better than I dreamed.  I'm SO happy job-wise right now, I could BURST.  I'm very, very lucky.

I was talking to Kat on the phone yesterday, and she is not so lucky.  She described my office as "theraputic".  Just because we discuss goals all the time, and have a psychologist on staff just for the staff, and...

Okay, maybe it IS thereputic.  Those who know me best understand that it's a VERY GOOD thing that I have a therapist at my disposal should I need her.  Not that I don't have my own, I'm just sayin'...

In other news, I had pad Thai for dinner, and I ASTOUNDED myself by just naturally picking up the chopsticks on the tray and eating with them.  I was about halfway through before I realized what I was doing.  It used to be such a struggle to eat with those damn things, and now... I don't even notice.  Just what I need... to be better at eating.

I could have gone ahead with the party, in fact, after I went in person and talked to the other staff members (who also know me), they agreed to do ALMOST what Thomas was going to for me, but my heart's not in it, so I'm going to cancel...

(There was no drama in Thomas leaving... he has decided to take a long-deserved break for a while.)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

At least, it is around here. Every year, it seems to be earlier and earlier that the decorations are put on the store shelves, and I've noticed that now, they get put up earlier, too.

I started seeing those damn eight-foot tall inflatable snowmen at least three months ago, and of course, most of the craft fairs I've been to in the past six months all have wooden angels and that sort of dreck...

But this weekend, while I was in Austin, they put the tinsel up on Congress towards the Capitol. When I went to H-E-B yesterday, they were putting the Christmas decorations up in the parking lot, and this morning, the city crews were putting the wreaths on the streetlights in the downtown section of my historic small town.

I am by no means complaining. Trust me, I'm quite happy right now with my life, and this holiday season promises to be one of the best I've had in a long, long time. I'm HAPPY about the coming holidays, but Jeez... the leaves haven't even turned yet!

I know, I know... we're in Texas, and the leaves will change colors and drop off in the space of a week, but still... it just seems early.

Perhaps my unsettledness is just a larger symptom of the fact that I'm becoming more and more aware of the how quickly time passes. I'm getting OLD, y'all, and while I talk over and over about how much I like getting older and getting taken seriously, I'm STILL old.

Thank Goodness. And Merry Christmas.

Goat Dressing in action.

What?  The regular rodeo doesn't have an event that involves putting underwear on a goat?  That's a shame...

This is not just a Texas thing... there's an entire Internatioal Gay Rodeo Association that governs this and other rodeos just like it.  There's a whole circuit, folks.  And it's a LOT of fun.  I plan on attending more.  And not just to watch the men.

Well folks, that was a rodeo, and it was also quite gay.  I had a great time, and there was lots of manwatching to be had.  TONS of manwatching.  Yummy.

The rodeo was at the Travis County Expo Center, which is a fair ways outside of town.  Directions are as follows: go east of the freeway until you think you have gone too far.  When you smell shit, you are in front of the sewage treatment (I'm sorry... "wastewater").  Keep driving.  There's a gay rodeo to be had.  When you pass the prison (where you go when you caught doing shit) keep going.  You will soon turn and pass an upscale subdivision (where the shit don't stink) and when you can see the chemical plant, turn into the arena.  The shit you now smell is eau de rodeo and will haunt you all day.

As I mentioned before, I was actually a volunteer for the rodeo.  I served as a security person.  I thought maybe I'd get to watch like... the front door, or the bathroom (wee!) or something... NOPE!  I got sent to the contestant's area.

You would think that this would be kinda cool... a backstage pass sort of thing.  And it was... kinda.  I got to see all the hot cowboys ride horses, and my view of the arena was pretty good.  BUT... there was HORSESHIT back there.  Lots of it.  And dust.  My contacts don't like dust.  Life is like that, though, I guess.

All and all, I only spent about two hours on security detail, and it wasn't bad at all.  I got to see parts of the rodeo I normally wouldn't have, and did I mention the man watching?

I have more to say about this, but that will have to wait until tomorrow.  Happy Monday, all!

You know what?  It's the weekend, and a weekend I've been sorta looking forward to. 

What, you may be asking, would I look forward to?

How about... the Gay Rodeo?

Yep.  This weekend is the annual Texas Gay Rodeo, and this year, Austin is the host, so I not only get to go, I also get to volunteer and be involved.

I'll let you in on a little secret.  Despite being a mover and shaker in the gay community for over 12 years, I have never, ever been to a gay rodeo.  I've read about them, talked to people who've been, and I've even seen that King Of The Hill episode where Dale's dad is a performer, but I've never actually... you know... EXPERIENCED Rodeo done the Gay Way.

That's right.  I'm going to get my Gay Rodeo Cherry popped this weekend.  I'd send out cards, but you know, that's just weird.

I suppose everyone will have to settle for photos.  Thing is, the Gay Rodeo folks seem to be a bit odd about cameras.  I think I have to sign a release or something, but we'll see.  You know I'm not easily convinced not to use my camera!

I also have a few other things I'd like to do this weekend, but we'll just see if I have time.  Either way, I'm going to have a great time, but you already knew that... I always do, right?

Of course, I'm sure they'll be quite thrilled that I'm going to the rodeo this weekend!

Dude.  Adam Sandler is starring in a feature-length Hanukkah cartoon?  Can the apocalypse be far away?

Perhaps not.  Anna Nicole has a hit show based on her wack-assed life.  She was all used up, had her fifteen minutes, and her star is rising again, even if we are laughing at her ass.

And then, despite a horrid economy, a warmongering attitude, and an inability to think for himself, my fellow voters in this country gave George W. Bush, Jr. a carte blanche to continue as-is.  We have made it easier for him to get what he wants by removing any system of checks and balances. 

It's not surprising to me that Sandler is once again cashing in on his Jewish-ness, or that Anna Nicole is a media whore, and it in no way shocks me that the people of this country would vote for the nearest Republican. 

After all, we obviously aren't the smartest people around.  We have disclaimers on every product you can buy: my new cable box has a disclaimer telling me not to plug a toaster into it!  Don't use hairdryers in the bathtub, and that hot coffee?  It's HOT, dude.

I don't want to come across as an intellectual snob (that's why I leave all the typos in... yeah... that's why!) and condemn The Stupidity Of America, because Heaven knows that I love pop culture as much, maybe more than the average person.  But I also read such heady things as National Review and the Congressional Record.  I know what goes on in Congress, and when I see who is stirring shit, or doing something I disagree with, I vote accordingly.

Here are a couple of things that might come out of this election:

• The Democrats will finally rally.  They will give us appealing candidates and voting will not be about choosing the lessor evil.  They will work on getting minorities and women to the polls and will make their platforms known.  They will, in short, get their shit together, and make themselves appealing to the masses.
• The Republicans will have NOBODY to blame for the further tanking of the economy and when the bodybags start coming home from Iraq, it will be hard to blame the Dems for that, too.  That should affect public opinion, huh?

Then again, never, ever count on the American masses to "get it"  They haven't so far.

Maybe the Bachelor could run for office.  Stranger things have happened.  We elected an actor to be President whose most popular costar was a monkey.

So I went to San Antonio last night, which is something I hadn’t done in a while... I’m really hangin’ more in Austin nowadays, but hey… I had a date-kinda-thing, and wanted to experience the abundance of Latin culture that San Antonio provides.

Boy was there an abundance. I decided to eat at this kinda tourist-trap Mexican place. The name of the place is not important… we shall refer to it as The Place Of Many Mariachis.

I’m not just talking about a few old men with guitars and maracas. Oh no… We’re talking a ten piece musical extravaganza of mariachi goodness. It was nuts. My dining companion and I were not ever able to get an accurate count of the musicians, because it kept changing. We counted a total of five violins, three trumpets, a variety of stringed guitar-like things, and of course, lots of old men with black hair dye singing in that distinctive vibrato. If you like that sort of thing, it was off tha hook, Paco!

I wouldn’t be as put out by the whole thing if the people at the table immediately beside ours hadn’t been totally in love with the whole Mexicans-at-your-table-with-trumpets thing. Like, everytime they walked by, they played two songs for this table.

Yep. I spent my whole dinner looking at a fat Mexican ass in tight pants. His ass sort of clinched every time he tongued, if you really want to know. (I promise I won’t use “ass” and “tongued” in the same sentence, ever again).

I had a good time, though, and of course, I ordered the Insane Sizzling Plater Of Cooked Flesh. There was so much meat on this plate! There was sausage, chicken, beef fajita, ribs, and maybe even a goat or something. I swear to Budda (whom I’m beginning to look like) I have never, ever eaten so much meat in one sitting before.

I mean, lately. Within the past few months. Weeks. Days? OH HELL. So I had a big meal. Sue me.

I blame the mariachis.

It's time to
Critique a (non) Random Web Photo!

Took this one at Wurstfest.  They were my favorite couple there:

These really write themselves, you know.

• Lowered expections are really working out for these two, huh?
• Beer:  Helping ugly people get laid for over one hundred years.
• Yes, that's a sausage on a stick he has there.  I'm not EVEN going to comment on that.
• He is wearing a chicken hat backwards, so that his face appears to come from the chicken's ass.  Not pretty.
• I saw these people about three hours before this picture was taken, and I said, "Oh my god.  Those people are SO drunk"  This is them three hours later.
• These two are grinning like idiots, probably because they KNOW what they look like.
• I'm pretty sure that somewhere, there's a trailer full of cats fighting over one litter box.
• She has spilled beer and grease spots all over her shirt.  It's really kinda gross.
• If he's into nipple play, he chose his mate well... she's right there!
• Look at the eyes on the chicken she's wearing.  Spooky.
• I can't believe I just typed the words "chicken she's wearing."
• Just picture these two getting it on.  Go ahead.  It's scary and fun, both at the same time!

What. A. Weekend!

Wurstfest rocks.  I love this festival SO much.  Even though the weather sucked on Saturday, we all went anyway.  We weren't going to let something like rain keep us away from our beer, starchy food, or oompah music!

Speaking of the music, I'm really into it.  I know I'm just a big ol' geek, but I look forward to hearing these bands all year long.  Bands like Alpenfest, or the Al Mexinor Trio.  Great fun.  I was also thrilled with this year's band from Germany: Stettholz Musikanten.  They are a wonderful German band (based in the Black Forest), but they do more than the traditional oompah stuff... they have a funky jazz/German fusion thing going on, and it's WONDERFUL.  I had the best time listening to them!  They were funny, too!

Speaking of funny, I've determined that people don't get drunk and wear funny hats often enough.  Wurstfest changes all of that, and I get to have fun with the digital camera:

Dude.  I bought WHAT last night?!

Wonder where my chicken stuffed animal went?

As the evening wore on, I noticed people getting more and more glazed.  The empty pitchers and cups (what we in New Braunfels refer to as WurstWare) were piling up, and people were getting FUCKED UP.  I love to be among the most sober people in a room.  It makes it more fun to laugh at others.  That guy who vomited in the trash can?  HILARIOUS!

Wurstfest continues through next weekend, and I'm sure I'll have more pictures to share with you throughout the week.  What?  My hat?  Wouldn't YOU like to know?!

WHOO HOO!  Wurstfest!

Last night was the first night of Wurstfest.  I had a blast.  I went straight from work, and got to see the annual "Biting of the Sausage", which isn't as much as it sounds, and then the eatin' and drinkin' got underway.  It's great fun, if a bit cheesy.

I spent about four hours on the Wurstfest grounds, two of them in line.  See, the first night, everyone in town is all jonesing for the Wurstfest food, such as fried green pickles (go great with beer!), German chocolate pie (sinful and delicious), potato pancakes (the longest line by far... I didn't even TRY last night.  I'll get some today!) and of course, the roasted corn.

Wha?!  Roasted Corn?  You may be asking your self, "is that german?" 

Um, I don't think so.  It's just... something they sell there.  The local soccer club uses it as a fundraiser.  It's good stuff, but not something I crave.  My friends, however, were all about the corn.  So stand in line for it, I must.

Here's the problem, though: they put totally inept people in charge of this thing.

The Scary Corn Lady, as I'm now fond of calling her, was a VISION.  She had one of those "shelf asses" that looked like you set a table on.  Her mullet was nicely managed by a banana clip, and all of her tattos matched (the mark of a fine woman, I'm telling you!")  I don't think that she was eating the corn herself, because it would have been a waste.  You need most of your teeth to eat corn on the cob, don't you?

Anyway, let me explain how this corn roaster works.  It's a big wheel that they put the corn in these baskets, and as you spin the wheel, it reveals more and more baskets.  The way it's supposed to work is that you'll take the corn out of the baskets as you serve it, and then reload that basket, and go to the next one.  By the time you get back around, you got fresh corn.

They didn't do it that way.  I noticed the line was moving slowly because the Inept Corn Helper (another lovely woman) was spinning the wheel back and forth, finding the ones that were done.  They were not replenishing... just serving (slowly).

My friend really, really wanted corn, so I told her I'd wait with her.  It seemed important, so whatever.  Just as I get to the front of the line, I placed my order.

The Scary Corn Woman looked at me with her good eye and said "you jus wan' one?  I'll be awhile"

And then she plodded away, staring into space.  Okay.  Two spaces.  Tricky eyes, you know...

Meanwhile, Inept Corn Helper is spinning the wheel, spinning the wheel, spinning the wheel, and just kept saying "these aren't done, these aren't done..."

I didn't get corn for fifteen friggin minuites.  I was not happy, but Corn Lady looked kinda scary, so I was nice.

ME:
"You've got quite a line here."

Scary Corn Lady:
"Yea.  Who knew so many people would want CORN?"  I've sold more CORN tonight that I thought we'd sell all weekend.  This is the CORN EATIN'EST BUNCH I've ever seen."

I backed away slowly from the Scary Corn Lady, because I was concerned for my life.

My friend bought me a beer for waiting so long.  Today, if she's there, I'll try to get a picture of Scary Corn Lady.  She's something else.

SO... I owe my dad, BIG TIME!

For a few weeks, everytime you flushed the toilet in my bathroom, it would leak some of the flushed water (ie, pisswater, shitwater) onto the floor in my bathroom.

Did I say I hated laundry?  OH NO!  I hate stepping in my own piss whilst wearing socks at two in the morning!

So I, the world's laziest person, was called to action by this whole leaky toilet thing.  That's right, I went straight to my phone, and bitched about it to my father.  He was really cool, though, and he agreed to assist me in repairing my leaky situation.

Apparently, the "wax ring" was to blame.  Who knew that wax was the pisswater culprit?  Sneaky wax.

Ever changed a wax ring?  Me either.  It's NASTY!  You have to take the whole damn toilet apart, and remove it from it's perch.  I'm most concerned that I will now have the rockin' toilet from hell, because those suck.

But my Dad, he's a great guy.  He came over, fixed it, and I also got to learn some creative ways to cuss.  It was a messy job, and there was tons of water on the floor when he got through.

But I now have a shitwater-free floor, and my toilet doesn't rock, which is a good thing.

So, THANKS, DAD!

Not a DIFFERENT job, mind you... a NEW one.

See, it's sorta complicated, but I work for a non-profit, and I've BEEN working on a contract basis since I started.  That means, (say it with me, contract employees) NO BENEFITS.  That, plus the fact that, even though everyone in no way made me feel this way, I felt sort of... it's hard to describe... I felt like I was not part of the team (even though everyone thought of me as such... it was me being silly, and I knew it. Ah... residual low self-esteem...)

ANYWAY... that's over now.  I signed all these papers, Monday I pee in a cup, and I am now a faithful and loyal employee, with benefits, vacation time and all of that great stuff.  I'm very, very happy, because I've been hoping for this for months.  And the best thing?!  I got to quit the hotel once and for all yesterday.  BOOYA!

There's nothing I will add to that, my friends.  Have a great weekend!