Damn it.

I didn't just have a MONDAY, I had several, all in one day.  I my mail server problems continue, which I expected, but I also had several other major issues today (and I go WEEKS without any major issues) and just to top off the day, one of my users hard drives died today.  Of course, all of her data is on the server, but it's additional work on top of an already busy, stressful day.  My day sucked, so here's hoping that the rest of my week is better.  If it's worse, I'll be the portly gentleman under his desk in a fetal position, weeping.

On the other hand, I had a great weekend.  As promised, I did indeed get a sunburn, but not a bad one (I don't even think I'm going to peel).  I never got blotto drunk, and I didn't overdo it on beads.

Mardi Gras beads.  Nothing says "I'm having a drunken party time" more than tons of cheap plastic shit around your neck.  I LOVE to wear beads.  I wear them to several events during the year (LUEY, Pride, Fiesta, Southern Decadence...) so I actually have a bead wardrobe of sorts.  I have tons and tons of these things, and in the past, I've been known to sport WAY too many of these things at one time.  I don't know why my friends have never organized a bead intervention of some sort to make me take some of that shit off.

This year, I limited myself and wore no beads that flashed or otherwise drew undue attention to myself.  Yeah, that was hard for me, but I had a bubble gun, so you know, attention drawn.

I know it is hard to believe, but I don't have a lot scheduled for the next few weeks.  I do have a lot to do with JournalCon planning, but beyond that, I don't have any out-of-town trips scheduled for a whole three weeks.  I'll keep you posted on all that.  Until then, I'm going to relax.

This year, I decided that I was going to de-emphasize Fiesta, and just do a few of my favorite events.  I didn't take the entire week off, either, because I'm saving my vacation time for JournalCon preparations.  I figured I could do what I wanted to do in the evenings, and just sort of cruise through the week at work, and I'd be fine.

So of course, there's a bad piece of network equipment in my building, which is randomly causing certain computers to not be able to access the Exchange server, which means that people's contact, calendars and email are unavailable to them.  This has caused me great stress, and I still don't have it resolved.

No matter, because Friday, I'm taking the day off to get my parade on!

Let's go back a bit, shall we?  When last we had our little chat, I started Fiesta off with a bang, or at least lots of glitter, and had my little show.  It was a lot of fun, and of course left me exhausted until I had to go to work on Monday.  Monday was great, with many people in the office that I'm sure have googled my name and read my site laughing uproariously when they opened my site, only to give me knowing looks the rest of the day.  Fun, fun.

Tuesday sucked because that's the day my network went south on me, and I take it personally when my network screws up.  I feel betrayed, and can't concentrate on parties (or my journal, either, apparently) so I worked late and cursed a lot.

Wednesday, it was Cornyation, and I was NOT going to miss that.  We had box seats this year, which I didn't realize until we got to the theatre, or I would have dressed better.  Lots of people I know saw me up there.  Hope my red shirt, rhinestone pin that says "I (heart) Fiesta" and myriad of beads around my neck didn't draw undue attention to myself!

Thursday, it was high time for a night out, because I just don't have enough partying to do.  I have bars to hit and bourbon to drink.

The big stuff starts on Friday.  I will wake up early and run some errands (buy some bourbon) and head over to my friend's house where we will pack coolers and get ready for the Battle of the Flowers Parade (apply sunscreen and drink.)  We will then proceed to the parade route and bake in the sun and earn our first sunburn of the year while drinking booze to stay hydrated. 

After that, we will head to the Bonham Exchange*, which is a wonderful gay disco in the shadow of the Alamo, and we will soak up their air conditioning while we dance.  We will be tuckered out and through for the day before dark.  Perhaps we'll swim tomorrow evening, don't know...

Saturday, we'll be up fairly early for um, another parade, a street fair, and then the biggest and longest parade.  I might even be IN the Saturday morning parade.

It'll be nice and relaxing to get back to work on Monday!

*The bar should be ashamed of itself.  That's the worst site for a gay bar I've ever seen.

Well, I'm glad I only do that once a year.  I'm glad that I did it, and I'm glad I don't do it all the time.  Women amaze me, because high heels and makeup suck.

That being said, I had a great time!  This year, we held the party at Far West Rodeo, one of the biggest nightclubs in San Antonio.  Nightclub understates, actually.  This place is more theme park than bar!  There's a rodeo arena in this place!  If the real livestock intimidates you, the bar features a mechanical bull (and NO, not EVERY bar in Texas has one).  Here's a photo of me posing with the mechanical bull.

The guy operating the mechanical bull?  Not quite so happy to have the big red drag queen pose with his bull.  Not at all, really.  The rest of the staff was really nice, but this guy was less-than-friendly.  He had nothing to worry about, as he was totally ugly.

We had an awesome, three level, hydraulic stage, along with lots of lights and such.  Very professional setup, which is great, since as you can see, I needed all the help I could get.

I had three costumes this year.  The little red number there was what I wore to the cocktail party.  I also did a Nora Desmond costume that in all honesty probably came across more as "Auntie Mame with a hormone problem" or perhaps "deranged drag queen obsessed with Auntie Mame."  My other costume was the navy blue ball gown I wore last year, because I didn't feel like spending money on another dress to wear one time.

Makeup is bitch, but I don't have to tell you girls that, do I?  Several of us go together and hire a makeup artist (one of the best in the city, from what I've heard) and she chased us around with brushes and I always looked fresh.  I don't know how women do it without that. 

All the glitter!  NuClia Waste inspired the glitter in the goatee.  It's been more than twenty-four hours, and I still have glitter all in my chest hair and every so often, my face sparkles.  I'm hoping one more shower and I'll be glitter-free.  Maybe.

A little advice?  Before putting on artificial nails, make sure you have something to take them off with.  Nails suck, and driving with them was certainly an adventure!  You know what's really cool?  Going into Walgreens in men's clothes with your face made up and buying acetone to get the damn nails off.  I could tell that most people wanted to say something or stare, but they didn't.  It was the great red glitter elephant sitting in the middle of the drug store.  I'm sure they talked afterwards.

All and all, it was a lot of fun!  Just not doing it again until next year.  Or perhaps Halloween.  Maybe.  I really prefer leather to drag, honestly.

I try very hard to find humor in all situations, and with this war, I've had mixed success.

I DO sort of think it's funny that whenever we capture some alleged "criminal", it is announced that person was the "eight of diamonds" or some other card. Does this seem stupid to anyone else but me? Why cards?

If the terror alert level is orange, Rumsfeild is nice to a reporter, and we nab the King of Spades, do we win the terrorism trifecta?

The reason we won this war is because we have more money to buy better bombs and planes and night vision equipment. So if it comes down to money anyway, why don't we just play the next version of the war in a casino? Because that seems like the civilized thing to do, doesn't it? Whichever country runs out of money first, wins. Seems people wouldn't die that way. BushCo, USA would STILL get all the money, because few countries have more than we do. If we had all his money, I'm pretty sure we could have asked Saddam to leave because, let's face it, rent on a series of palaces is a BITCH these days. Not to mention the statue polish and the band of thugs to scare the populace into submission.

It seems we're already into the card thing, so why didn't we just take it to it's ludicrous conclusion? The results couldn't have been any more ludicrous than the state of affairs at the moment, could they?

So I do this often, and have written about it in the past, but WHY do I got to Wal-Mart at midnight?  I buy freaky shit under the best of circumstances, but when I'm due to do drag in three days, my trips get weird.

Tonight (or more accurately, this morning) I bought:

• A 96 inch strand of fake-o pearls.  They are very pretty, and were under three dollars.  I've paid more for Mardi Gras beads.  The Mardi Gras beads are probably better quality, but still.
• Revlon Lip Glide Color Gloss (Revlon Red).  My GOD there are lots of lipsticks at Wal-Mart.  There are liquid ones, penciled ones, and glossy ones like I bought.  There are all these choices in several brands and tons of colors.  The Revlon Red seems to be the perfect color of "cocksucker red" I was seeking.  I've hired a makeup artist, so this is just for touch-ups, so this will be good.  It cost more than I thought it would, though.  It's expensive being a girl, isn't it?
• Silky Sheer Thigh Highs (Size Q).  Damn Damn Damn.  It's not only EXPENSIVE being a girl, it's apparently frustrating and confusing, too.  because of my weird-ass body shape (you know... male and all) the regular sizing charts don't seem to apply.  If you go my weight and height, I should wear a 4X or something, but those are so big, they fall off my legs and around my ankles.  Apparently, Wal-Mart doesn't think women of size want thigh-highs, because they hardly had any in the size I was looking for.  I finally found these, and I'm going to try them and if they work, I'll go get more, but the whole hosiery section is upsetting and stress-inducing.  There's GOT to be a better way to stock, sell and display these things.  Totally.
• Um, Uh.... The Justin Timberlake CD.  Of all the items I bought tonight, this is the most embarrassing.  Seriously.  But I kinda dug that song of his where he's upset at Britney Spears for sleeping with his boyfriend (or whatever Cry Me River was about) and then that new song that is so over-produced it sounds like something from the mid-80s where he acts like he wants to get a girl naked by the end of this song.  It's so good and cool.  You know... in a disposable pop kinda way.  It's got more hooks than Grandpa's tacklebox and it glistens in its pop-ish glory.  I'm so gay, y'all.

Well, I didn't get elected president of the Bears.  I have several emotions swirling around my head because of it, ranging from bitter to paranoid to releived.  Mainly the latter, because I somehow, in the course of the last meeting, found myself volunteering as Hospitality Chair for JournalCon.  I will now be able to put my full 100% behind making sure that this is the JournalCon everyone remembers.  Or something.

As for my involvement with the Bears, I don't expect that to change.  I'm still gonna be doing the website, and I'm thinking of talking to the new board about having a long-range planning committee to sort of map out the future direction of the club.  We sometimes lack vision and focus, mainly because we've never DEVELOPED any vision or focus.  We can't grow or evolve as a group until we do such a thing.  I'm all about goals, you know?  The new president-elect is a good guy, though, and I don't think the Bears will suffer from me not being president.  Much. (but that could be my ego talking, no?)

I amaze myself sometimes with how busy my social life is.  Did you know I am already planning my 2004?  I already have one weekend in February and TWO weekends in March marked off on my calendar.  I need to find out the dates for some of my other "every year" type of things and pencil them in.  I tend to stay busy, don't I?  I wonder if it's all worth it?

This weekend was lots of fun, what with a Toga party and officer elections, but it's NOTHING compared to what's coming up.  Fiesta, you know.

That's right... for those of you keeping score, this coming weekend is the One Weekend A Year That Tim Does Drag.  I have several outfits this year, and I'm doing two numbers.  Look for an entry Monday where I bitch about high heels, okay?

Fiesta is different for me this year because I'm working all week, so I've scaled back my party-type stuff to the weekends.  I have SOME events during the week, but they aren't the drunk-type stuff, which honestly, doesn't appeal to me like it did when I was in my twenties.  I'm getting old, y'all.

So a few weeks ago, on the first day of TBRU, I was standing on the balcony of the penthouse hospitality suite, drinking my first free beer of the weekend, and marveling at my good luck to be able to attend an event with men such as this.

Ever the social one, I made small talk with an attendee who had a badge that indicated that he was from one of those states in the midwest with square borders and square-er people. I asked if he'd ever been to Texas, and he indicated that this was his first trip, and he'd landed about an hour before. Then, he blew me away: he totally insulted me!

He made a crack about Texas. My home. He said some crack about him being amazed that we had libraries here, and that he'd have never believed we had real cities here.

Oh NO HE D'INT!

First of all, Texas has more cities than your little, ugly state. Our weather is better and people are nicer. (He's one hour off the plane, in a penthouse suite drinking free beer? Tell ME Texas sucks!)

It always shocks me when people from outside of Texas assume everything looks like a desert here or something, with tumbleweeds and cows everywhere. In reality, Texas is the second-most urban state, and the second most populous. We beat New York on population.

And we're not just a bunch of stupids here, either. Open heart surgery was invented in Texas. You know Robert's Rules of Order? That guy was Texan. We have several world-class museums and universities. Ever heard of Texas Insturments? Yeah. The microchip was invented here.

I think it's hard for non-Texans who have never been here to understand just how... um... Texan we are. I mean, we have raised the star to icon status. We wave our flag more than Fox News waves the Stars and Stripes. I have a six foot framed Lone Star flag in my living room, and my light fixtures all have stars and limestone on them. I'm not alone. There's a whole design style called "Texana." I know that's weird, but it's how it is.

So this Texan-ness that I have led me to be insulted by the guy's crack. I wasn't the only one offended, he was called down by other partygoers. At least we Texans stay together.

Sometimes, I forget how cool Austin is.

Sunday was the monthly coffee meeting of the Austin Journalers, and we were to meet at a the downtown location of Little City, which is mere blocks from the Capitol building.  As I drove down Congress toward the coffeehouse, I noticed that Congress was closed.  Not cool.  I scanned my brain back to my last reading of the Austin Chronicle.  No parades or protests that I recalled reading about.  Indeed, there were no throngs of people, yearning to park their cars.  This could only mean one thing:  movie shoot!

Yep.  Spy Kids 3 was shooting exteriors yesterday all day.  Several times during our three hour visit, we were asked to please clear the sidewalk, because they were going to be shooting, and they certainly didn't want the city to look populated or alive, apparently.  Either that, or they are going to CGI people into the scene later.  Who knows?

Now, I know that people in LA are used to streets being closed and film crews are not an uncommon thing, but yesterday was my first time to see a film crew in action.  It was pretty darn cool, actually, because it was a lot more high-tech than I thought it would be.  They had all sorts of computer screens and the like in front of the director, and he kept talking about "overlay" and people were bustling about.  It was cool to watch.  I felt all "Hollywood" and somehow, my clothes felt more fashionable.  People thought I was sexier because I was on the set of a movie.  That lasted about five minutes until some lady with a walkie talkie came over to me and said, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to move along."

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to move along."  I have TRULY reached the peak of my film career, haven't I?  I wanted to give my card to the lady and insist on being in the end credits.  "Guy Who Was Asked To Move Along: Tim Bratcher".

Alas, it'll never happen, because I, um, moved along.  And silently wondered to myself how much it costs to close Congress Avenue for an entire Sunday, and thinking that'd be a cool thing to do if I won the lottery.  You know, just close the street "because I said so" and of COURSE, I'd drive up and down the street all day, doing U-turns, parking illegally...

Is it TOTALLY obvious that I'd be an Evil Villain if I had a jabillion bucks?  You know, live in an evil mountain island, and have a big TV screen in my lair where my fellow evildoers would teleconference with me?  And then, I'd have to worry about weird and/or dorky cartoon characters like Inspector Gadget or Kim Possible or Austin Powers foiling my plans with the help of their dog or weasel or dumb luck?

Instead, I'm The Guy Who Was Asked To Move Along.  Life is not always fair, is it?

Ugh.  What a week!  The pollen in Texas is at a ten-year high.  Seriously, I'm suffering so much, and I don't think it's going to get any better anytime soon.  I actually am worse off than some, because I was in Dallas last weekend, so I got the cedar they are famous for, and then I'm here in central Texas, where we are beseiged by the oak pollen.

And my body is not content to just get sinus-y.  No no... that would be NORMAL and "like everyone else".  Nope.  My eyes look like I've been crying for the Iraqis.  I have had a low-grade headache all week, and I am using prodigous amounts of Jesus Creme to keep all the rashes on my skin at bay.  (Jesus Creme is a prescription creme that will heal a rash with just a touch.  I and my friends are going to hell).  I'm pretty miserable, but it could be worse.  We could be in an unjustified war or something.

Oh.  Yeah.  Shit.

Hey y'all... I have an announcement. Well, not an ANNOUCEMENT, per se, but more of a declaration.

Not so much a declaration, but a...

Oh HELL. Y'all, I'm tired of being fat.

It's not because I think I'm less-than-desirable. In fact, I am aware that I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but I have not found myself lacking in the men-throwing-themselves-at-me department. In fact, I get my fair share of offers, and then some. So that's not why I'm tired of this.

It's also not because I'm embarrassed or feel like less than a person. I do realize there are assholes out there who discount my opinions and don't want to be my friend. Those people are assholes, though, and I don't need them in my life. So in that respect, it's cool.

It's also not because of my health. While I'm not the HEALTHIEST person on earth, my vitals (blood pressure, cholestoral, etc) are within the norms, so I'm not going to keel over and be the guy that it take six paramedics to lift me into the ambulance...

I just feel like it's time for a change... a time to improve myself. I've said this before, on these very pages, and I've had mixed success, but I really, really need to do this now, just for myself. I don't have an action plan yet (though I'm working on one) but I plan to have some concrete goals and actions together by the end of this week. I will start immediately.

I haven't been updating as much as I used to. I needed a break, after almost two years of daily updates. I suspect that a new eating plan will introduce a bit of structure to my life and cause me to write more often again. Lucky you... you get to read about Cranky, Hungry Tim and how he would kill for a popsicle. I'm sure you can't wait.

And I will PROMISE you that this won't be a food journal. I read those, and I appreciate them, but that's just not me. Nor will it be an execise journal, or a poop journal, or a warblog. (what IS that shit about the guy who posts pictures of all his poop on the Internet? Why would you do that?)

So that's all for now. Tired of being fat, I plan to do something about it. Something that is as of right now quite abstract. Thanks for reading, have a great day.