I went to Wal-Mart tonight. I didn't go at midnight when I usually do, because I wanted the benefit of crowds, because I went to Wal-Mart to buy a bra for Halloween. I didn't think I'd have a big problem... just sneak into the department, grab the biggest, scariest bra I could find (preferably strapless) and buy about a million other things so that it didn't look like I went to Wal-Mart to buy a big bra.
You know what my few forays into drag have taught me? Being a girl is HARD. Damn. So many sizes and colors and some have wire, some don't, some look like they wouldn't support a helium-filled balloon, some that looked all industrial strength and could support a bridge. The really big ones even had gel in the straps, which, given the heft that a set of real 50-DDs would weigh, is a good idea. Y'all, I saw a size 48-B bra. That's an odd shaped woman, you know? And I also saw a 34-DD bra which is OBVIOUSLY made for people who have surgically altered their boobage.
So they didn't have a strapless one. I think they don't make 50-DDs in strapless, because that would violate the laws of physics. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm not totally worried about it, honestly. My dress will hold those footballs in place nicely.
My back is okay, I guess. I think I strained it, but Advil is working (I'm taking the liqui-gels, in a doctor-advised dosage of 2400 milligrams a day) and it seems better each day. There is a funny story about my back, but have embarrassed myself enough today.
I did something to my back. I'm not sure what, but here in Texas, we say we "wrenched" it, and everyone knows what you mean. Pain. Lots of pain.
It kept me up last night, until I took a dose of Advil that would cure an elephant, and then I sleep sweetly. Until I turned over. Or really moved at all. Ow.
Other than back pain, life is okay. I THINK I have figured out what I'm going to do for Halloween, at least that evening. I need to get some stuff together; I guess I'll do that tonight. Three nights before does not count as "last minute," does it? Yeah, I thought so too.
Almost three years ago, I wrote an entry about turning thirty. I wrote about how much I loved my life and how aging was wonderful, people respect me now, and I am more centered and isn't getting old wonderful?!
Bullshit.
During JournalCon, I was lucky enough to get a Bad Bar Weetamix CD from Weetabix. This CD ROCKS... it's a nineteen track party on plastic, baby! And one of those tracks is Tricky, by Run DMC. I had not heard this song in over ten years, yet I knew every single line and verse of this utterly useless, yet cool as shit, song. Seriously. I even knew when they "HUH!" on the beat. If you cleared all the useless lyrics out of my head, I could cure cancer, and I'm not even kidding.
So I'm all listening to the Bad Bar CD, and I have my windows down and my sunroof open and I am TOTALLY doing the White Man Dance (which actually does require a Volvo and a loose neck,) and damn if I didn't notice a group of teenagers laughing at me. I don't always let that bother me, becuase I know I've got tons of life experience on them, and they don't even know from cool yet.
I really couldn't figure out why it bugged me so much, until I realized that when this song was new, I was their age.
So then I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw more grey hair in my goatee. All at once, I felt old. Not just old, actually... but Very Old and Uncool. I have resisted the urge to get some of that Just For Men stuff and wash that grey right outta my beard, but I'm thinking I'll do that soon.
Grow old gracefully? Sure. As long I keep my neurotic secrets to myself.
So what have I been up to (besides JournalCon) lately?
Well, JournalCon, actually. The whole committee worked for almost a year to get it together, and it was totally WORTH IT, but it was time consuming, and I wasn't even the one who did the most work.
But work has been crazy, too. We had several timelines that moved around a bit and it made me crazy at exactly the same time that JournalCon planning was in high gear, which was frustrating for both myself and my fellow committee members, but in the end, it all came out okay. It was a great weekend. But we've covered that.
Also, my father and I both fell somewhere. I'm going to be sketchy about it, but my knees are a bit mucked up, and my father hit his head and his elbow and is slightly less okay, but in the end, I think we'll all be fine. I hope. It was just lots of drama, and that's never fun.
I still drive the Volvo, but sometime over the summer, it totally crossed over the line to piece of shit. I hate this, but it actually is running well, and the AC and the stereo rocks, so even though it's all ugly and stuff, I'm going to drive it into the ground, because no car payments enable me to do things like JournalCon. And all those gay weekends filled with leather and bears. But I'm saving money right now for a new one. (that's a new CAR, not a new Leather Weekend.) I'm sure you'll hear all about it (both the car AND the weekends.)
My self-esteem is still okay, as is my depression. Those two, of course, are quite related, but for now, I think I'm in check. I continue to work at that.
My physical health could be better. I've gained some weight, and I don't so much feel ugly, but I feel... um... restricted or something. I just don't feel as peppy, and that's uncool. I'll be addressing that very soon.
As for my love life, well... I just don't want to talk about it. Mainly because there's not much to talk about. I wish there were, but...
All and all, I'm very happy. Thanks for asking.
I got up really early to post my JournalCon photos. You're welcome.
Well, I think I've caught up on my sleep. Or I will soon. Someone said this weekend that "you can sleep when you're dead!" They are perhaps right, but you sure can't sleep much at JournalCon!
It's just not enough time! Lots of folks were only there for 48 hours! If I have one regret this weekend (and I probably will have more when people start publishing PHOTOS!) it is that the weekend wasn't longer. But that's life, right?
If you can't tell, I had a ball. I knew I'd have a good time, but my expectations of coolness were surpassed. Big time.
I met so many people whose writing I've admired for a long time and it was so great to put a face with the words on the screen. I didn't feel worthy to meet the famous and wonderful Weetabix. And TranceJen? Holy GOD that woman is cool. I think if I liked girls, I'd have been all over her. And all over Mare. Jeez, Mare is wonderful. I can't say enough. Chauffi is a riot, and very, very sexy, no matter what he says. Oh and Kim! I totally wouldn't even have this site if weren't for her (I'm serious about that... remind me to tell you that story someday) MoPie? Just too cute and sweet! If I really wrote what I thought about all these people (and just about everyone else I met) this entry would be gushy, long and effusive and would make you want to puke. If you haven't already.
But I won't subject you to that. Because puking readers is not my goal. Usually. I have much more sleeping to do, and I also want to publish my JCon photos on the web, so until then, seeya!
4:12 am, Sunday
Hello, this the Omni Hotel operator, may I help you?
Yes, I'd like to request a wake-up call for 7:45 am.
Um, okay. Weren't you just down in the lobby?
Yes, but that wasn't me who was on the lobby floor. That was just someone I was with, and we just...
Um, I think I'll request your wake-up call for 7:45, and another one fifteen minutes later, okay?
You are a very wise man.
Well, sleep well.
Urmph.
Just checking in again from JournalCon. It's lunch on Saturday, and that means lots of people are starting to wake up. The youngest attendee was out all night, but I'm in my thirties, and that wasn't happening for me. I actually was out later than I intended to be, but it wasn't too bad.
The hotel must love us, because lots of people stayed at the bar, drinking seven dollar cocktails until they were PLOWED. I was glad most people were staying at the hotel, but was still a bit worried that the elevator might qualify as "heavy machinery" for these people. Blotto doesn't even cover it.
Me, I was a good boy. I really was. I sat around the lobby and listened to people talk about life and catch up with each other... it was some GOOD listening.
This morning's breakfast went really well, too, except for the stupid bagel toaster that was like, not toasted, not toasted, not toasted... BURNT! I hate that. The Omni claims to be a "four star hotel." I live in a home that is at best a two star accomidation, but my friggin' toaster doesn't burn bagels.
But you'll notice, I'm bitching about a TOASTER. That's because you KNOW I'll find SOMETHING to bitch about, and really, this weekend has been really cool. Not tons of Drama (though there has been a bit of Dreama hehehehe) but for the most part, nothing so bad as to complain to everyone about.
Tonight, we have a lot of cool stuff to do, and I might get semi-blotto myself. We'll see about that, but if I post a drunk entry, then you can excuse that, right?
© Tim Bratcher.
All rights reserved and all content contained herein is offered for your supposed amusement, but not for your taking. Don't steal. Thank you, and enjoy.