Oh yeah...  We're gonna do it again... we're gonna:

Critique a Random Web Photo!!

This one's easy.  I actually know the background on this one.  This is the American Cancer Society's Polyp Man.  I shit you not (hee... shi... oh, nevermind)

• Does the nurse on the right look like the scary third-grade teacher that you hated?  Yeah, she stirs that emotion in me, too.
• She looks like she's preparing to slap the polyp.  What a dedicated medical professional!
• She looks THRILLED to be in a photograph with Polyp Man, huh?
• The polyp looks happy, huh?  I guess s/he's about as happy as I would be if I had to dress up like a pre-cancerous ass growth.
• Yeah, who did she piss off, anyway?  That sucks.  If s/he's doing comunity service, s/he should get doubletime.  Damn.
• I like the addition of the green hat.  Very festive.  Because if you HAVE to dress up like a pre-cancerous ass growth, it's important to be festive. 
• "Hey!  I'm a pre-cancerous ass growth!  Happy Happy!  Have a camera stuck up your ass man, it'll save your life!"
• The other nurse (on the left) makes me happy.  I like her.  Look at her face, she TOTALLY gets the joke.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm against colonoscopy screening.  In fact, I think it's a wonderful tool in the fight against this killer.  But this costume is just... silly.

7:00 pm
Resolve to go to bed early and catch up on sleep... say... 9:00

9:00 pm
Watch the season premiere of Average Joe.  Wonder who cares.  Wonder why Adam didn't eliminate the guppy-faced bitch with a bad laugh.  Get pissed at Adam for sending home every girl in a dress larger than a 4.  Wonder who the hell Adam thinks he is.

10:00 pm
Get ready for bed and make certain that dog has done her business.  Wonder why dog looks distressed.  Chaulk it up to new dog in house.  Get in bed with laptop.

11:43 pm
Decide to not surf eBay looking for... well, decide to stop surfing eBay.

12:30 am
Wonder why Heidi Fleiss is on Blind Date.  Curse Roger Lodge and his ilk for making you stay up to see.  Decide that Heidi is a bitch, but a good one.  Wish Heidi had never mentioned all the lesbians in prison.  Mind boggles.  Sleep not imminent.

1:00 am
Lights out.  Ceiling fan on low.

1:03 pm, 1:06 pm and 1:12 pm
Turn over your hot, hot pillow, and ponder on why you are so damn hot with the fan ON.

1:12 am
Turn ceiling fan on medium using the remote on your nightstand.  Bitch in your head to nobody in particular that three speeds is not enough.  Quiz over why things are blowing around in your room, but you are not feeling any air.

1:15 am
Figure out that your fan has been reversed, and is blowing all your air onto the ceiling, where you are certain one could sleep, if only there were no gravity.

1:16 am
Contemplate life without gravity.  Would we even be able to feel the air move?  Do astronauts in space feel air moving, or is it really that stuffy in a spaceship?  Decide not to ever go into space if it's stuffy.  Realize you are making no sense.

1:20 am
Get up to pee.  Stupid aging bladder and liter of water!

1:22 am
Dog farts.

1:23 am
Breifly contemplate the practicality of charcoal-lined doggie pants.  Ponder over logistics of dogs tail on such a garment.  Remark to yourself in your head that such a thing would look silly, but would probably sell anyway, since there is an entire canine apparel industry.

1:24 am
Dog farts.  Mull over the possibility that the dog might have un upset stomach.  Try not to dwell on the accident where the man died a terrible death right in front of your eyes.

1:29 am
Dog vomits all over comforter.  Revisit thoughts that dog is sick.  Get up and take care of it.  Wonder if you'll ever get to sleep.

1:33 am
Try again to take the advice of your therapist and imagine the accident in black and white instead of color, or with blurred edges.  Freak the hell out because my mind is apparently 1080i high definintion, when it needs to be 1940s old school Honeymooner's episodes.

1:34 am
Wonder if the Kramdens got a phone later, or if they used their neighbors all the time like in that one episode where they dropped it down from above.  Think that in later episodes, you recall seeing it, but leave a note on your voice recorder to check Google in the morning.

1:38 am
Dog farts.  Ceiling fan too fast.  Great idea for a journal entry hits.  Leave most of it in your voice recorder.

2:02 am
Decide that as little as the Muse has visited lately, you should write this down NOW.

2:30 am
Complete the writing and publish as draft.

2:31 am
Check email, since you're up anyway.

3:12 am
Tell everyone that you are chatting with that you realize in Australia it's midday, but that YOU need sleep, and will be leaving now.

3:14 am
Wonder why in the hell your house is so hot.  Contemplate turning on air conditioner and mull over what it would be like to awake in a meat locker.  Turn fan to medium, and put one leg outside comforter to serve as a radiator.

3:15 am
Tell dog to not lick your toes with her barfy tounge.  Dog responds by farting.  Resolve to kick dog out of bed if she does it again.

3:25 am
Kick dog out of bed.  Dog retires to her sheepskin on the floor.

3:35 am
Dog begins snoring, and harddrive on TiVo begins defragging or something.  Give up and take a single Tylenol P.M.

3:45 am
Zzzzzzzzzz..... (finally)

Five o'clock on Friday afternoon.  I'd left work a bit early, and was driving on Wurzbach Parkway in San Antonio.  I got a phone call from my friend Joe firming up my weekend plans, which were shaping up nicely.  The call ended.  Even though it was raining, I was in a wonderful mood.

That's when I saw the car flying.  It was the car in front of me, and I did a panic stop.  The car came to a stop partly in the left lane that I was travelling in, and partly in the median.  There was a bucket truck overturned on the other shoulder, and a man-- no, a BODY was laying outside of the car.  If you'd asked me how it happened, I couldn't have told you (I was no help to the police at all) but I do remember that I was the first person on the scene.  I had some time to see him there.  It didn't seem real.   His horn was honking, and his car was starting to leak all of its fluids and they were running down under my car, causing the air coming out of my vents to smell like chemicals.

Did you know that in San Antonio, 9-1-1 is answered by a computer, asking me to dial "1" for the police, "2" for the Fire Department, and "3" for the paramedics?  There is apparently not a number to push if you want all three.  As it happened, a police officer happened by and pulled up behind me.  He approached the man and crudely said "Oh yeah, this is a DOA."

He was facing me, and his eyes were closed.  His legs were splayed in a way that would have hurt normally, obviously they were broken.  He did not have any shoes on, they must have been thrown off.  One of his arms was across his chest.  He had tattoos on his upper arms.  There was a pool of blood under his head.  All of the contents of his car were all over both sides of the road.  There were photos of a baby.  I wanted to believe that it wasn't his.  I wanted to believe that he was a bad man, a deadbeat dad who cheated on everyone who loved him and disappointed everyone.  But somehow, I knew it wasn't true.

It was far from the truth.  He was an upstanding man (a sheriff's officer), only 26 and had a wife and a baby.

So as you can imagine, I'm a bit freaked out.  I have tried not to dwell on it too much.  I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent it (in fact, the great ABS brakes on my car probably helped prevent it from being worse) but I still think about how short life is.  How you never know when you say goodbye to them if you'll ever see them again.

Frequent readers know that I've been in a traumatic accident myself, and so this is not the first time I've pondered this stuff.  But I'm still a bit freaked out and upset.  So.  Everyone be careful out there.  If you love somebody, tell them.  Often.  And be careful.